Enter Dungeon Squad:
Dungeon Squad is a role-playing game designed expressly for young players with short attention spans who demand action and fun.
Rather coincidentally, that also sounds like me sometimes (minus the "young" part).
For the dungeon, I used the Official Tabletop Diversions No-budget No-frills d12 Pencil and Paper Dungeon Generator (with some judgement calls due to the limits of the coffee table) but rather than breaking out the graph paper, I used my Dungeon Tiles Master Set - The Dungeon (contrary to what it says, you can use it with any rule set - there's nothing 4e specific about it).
I set up a an encounter table (I opted to make a goblin lair with some random monsters as well) and a wandering monster table and had at it:
The fighter with no name and his hapless companion burst through the door to find two skeletons rather irritated at their arrival:
|Hack and Slash, the Bones Brothers|
A furious fight ensues, but the fighter is victorious.
The next encounter did not go so well. The Cannibalistic Barbarian of the 2nd Level had been rummaging around the first level when the fighter and hapless companion burst in on him.
|Cannibal the Barbarian|
I lost 7 hit points (I had lost 4 with the two skeletons). A healing potion that I had purchased in town wasn't worth the money I paid for it. Three lousy hit points.
A skeleton patrol rounded the corner and the fighter with no name, at great personal risk, charged into the fray. Aided by the narrow hallway, he made fast work of the bone brigade.
|Skeletons in the Hall|
Unfortunately, the next room held the self-declared and undisputed guardian of the dungeon, the Chaos Knight:
|Chaos Knight - One Bad Ass Dude.|
I may have made his stats a little on the tough side - and paid for it. There was only one option:
And here for your viewing pleasure, the dungeon:
|Try Not to be Distracted by the Table|
In addition to the faux mother of pearl inlay on the coffee table, you probably noticed that not a single goblin appeared. This is undoubtedly because I spent half an hour looking for them before the game began. Had I not gone looking for (and found) them, they most certainly would have turned up every encounter.